An Open Letter to the People Who Make Me Stronger
The people who make me stronger fall into two categories: those who encourage me to be the best version of myself and those who force me to stand up for who I am.
I absolutely hated high school.
I would like to preface this by saying two things. First, I am not saying this out of pity. I am merely saying this as a fact. I look back on my time in high school positively but probably not for the reasons most people do. Second, it is of no fault of the high school that I graduated from because I attended an incredible high school.
Neil deGrasse Tyson shockingly said in a podcast that so often people can’t even count five teachers who inspired them throughout their educational period. I, on the other hand, can count more than fifteen different teachers and faculty who inspired me to continue to strive to be a lifelong learner (and that number was just during my years in high school). One of the best things that I received from those horrible high school year was the love that I gained for learning, science, English, history, and many more other fields. The teachers and staff at my high school were one of the only reasons why I actually was excited to go to school. Each one of them encouraged me to be the best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with the academics.
Cross country and track were another positive aspects of my time in high school. It was in these two sports where I found my love for competition and challenging myself physically and mentally. But more importantly, these sports surrounded me with people who encouraged me to be the best version of myself. The women who surrounded me truly shaped the athlete and leader I strive to be today.
One of my captains led with motivation, constantly pushing us to dig deeper. One led through quiet kindness and passionate love for the sport. One led as my most supportive and fiercest competitor both in the weight room and on the course. One of my fellow captains led through humor and an ability to never take life too seriously. And my incredible coach led with the love of a mother and the fight of a champion.
The year we won state cross country I was surrounded by nine of the most inspiring, intelligent and beautiful women. All of these strong women led in their own perfect way through example and encouraged me in high school to be the best version of myself, both on and off the track.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with cross country or track.
Skiing was another positive aspect that I gained from high school. Joining Nordic Skiing was quite possibly one of the best decision I have ever made. Nordic skiing is a sport unlike any other, where people fight pole-over-ski during races but are some of the kindest people I know after the finish line. Whether my fellow competitors knew it or not, they had a positive impact on my high school experience and provided me with countless moments I will always treasure.
The unique aspect of our high school’s ski team was that we were co-oped with a neighboring school. Through this co-op, I met two of my life-long friends. There is something about suffering through a 10-kilometer race in - 34-degree weather that really brings people together.
Even after months apart, I can still count on these two women if I need anything. We laughed, we froze, we raced, we cheered and we shared an unbreakable friendship together through skiing and beyond. These two motivated me on the coldest workout days, helped me through the challenging moments and encouraged me to be the best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with skiing.
My wonderful family was there through all the late night talks that often involved crying and all the mornings when I didn’t want to get out of bed because I didn’t want to see people at school. My dad made sure I was up at 4:40 to go to lifting and never missed a single race over six years in cross country, nordic skiing or track. My mom made the most nutritious and delicious meals based on whatever new diet the doctors put me on and dealt with the sass that only a fifteen-year-old girl has towards her mother and loved me even more. My mother was (and still is) like a mother bear; cute and adorable when it’s happy but if you mess with her cubs, she will come at you with all her might. This idea became most apparent when she saw the emotional pain that I was going through. My sister made me feel like a rockstar every single day. We are incredibly different but in all the right ways, she is the perfect balance for me as I am for her. My brothers reminded me how important it is to stay a kid and always have fun. As all my younger siblings have grown up, I am absolutely amazed and proud of the people that they have become through the loving guidance of our parents.
Over the seven years, my fiancé’s immediate and extended family has become my family. I am so touched with how involved, loved, and apart of the family they make me feel. They have made holidays unforgettable and full of laughter. I cannot wait to officially be apart of their family.
I know I am biased but I have the best family in the world. We may have our quirks, (every family does), but at the end of the day, my five family members have been the strongest foundation and the best support system I ever could have asked for. They have encouraged me every day since birth to strive to be the best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with my family.
My fiancé and I started dating during our freshman year of high school. Apart from the teammates that I was close to, Jake was one of two close friends I had in our grade. Jake was not only my boyfriend but he was (and still is) my best friend.
He missed countless guys' nights to spend time with me and my family whether that entailed watching Harry Potter for the hundredth time, playing cards or playing night games. He never complained and he was always there. He became a role model for my two (not so little anymore) brothers. He was never short on hugs when I was crying, trying to understand the torn emotions I felt from high school and always had some silly joke to tell me to make me smile. He was absolutely incredible and he has only become more supportive and loving as the years have gone on. Of course, there have been bumps in the road, but those bumps have made us that much stronger. He encouraged me in high school to stay positive even when faced with continuous cruelty and exclusion. He challenges how I approach the world and makes me examine situations from another side. Our differences are a perfect balance. Each and every day he continues to encourage me to be the best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with Jake.
My only other close friend that attended my high school was one of Jake’s longest and closest friends. We became friends in Spanish class because I was horrible at it and he was fantastic. We bonded over our love for cooking and delicious food. Throughout high school, he was such a kind and uplifting person and to this day remains one of my closest friends. He tried to support me to be successful at high school Spanish (which didn’t work) but his constant kindness and support, both then and now, encourages me to be the very best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with my other friend.
I made one other very important friend during my time in high school. I met her at the gym that I trained at for many years. She had just graduated from college and to me, she had her whole life figured out. She had an awesome job, a fantastic boyfriend and a work ethic that I had only seen in my teammates. We bonded when I would skip lunch and meet up with her to enjoy Fresh Spring Rolls at one of our favorite restaurants. I changed my major during my freshman year that was similar to one that she graduated because her job inspired and interested me. Truthfully, I wanted to be just like her and I still do. She is one of the most hard-working, goal-orientated, kick-butt women I know. Over the years, she has become a mentor, a therapist, a friend, an advisor, a life coach, “my big sister” and has never stopped encouraging me to be the best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with “my big sister”.
My longest friendship began in first grade at ballet class when the girl made fun of me. Despite our beginning, she is one of the kindest people that I know and our beginning is still something we laugh about. We have been “long-distance” friends since 2009. Despite only getting to see each other every three to four months, we always pick up exactly where we left off. We have seen each other through the ballet classes, summer soccer games, Midnight Christmas Masses, Halloweens when we ate way too many Whoppers, performances of Wicked, the adventures of college and everything in between. She has been a constant support, even if it’s been at a distance and she was always there for me throughout high school. I firmly believe that someday she will be an Ambassador for the United States or maybe even the first female President and I am blessed to call her “my long-distance friend”. Since that first ballet class, she has encouraged me to be the best version of myself.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has nothing to do with “my long-distance friend”.
Most days as I drove to school, I felt this tight knot in my stomach, not because of a test, project or paper, but because I wasn’t comfortable at school and was so nervous about what the day would bring. I never had a group of girlfriends in my grade at my high school who I felt comfortable being myself around. I will never look back on high school for the fun slumber parties or girls’ nights because they didn’t exist. I will never appreciate high school for the people that I attended class with because so often I was made to feel like I didn’t belong. I will never “open the yearbook” joyfully reflecting on all the happy memory because the happy memories were not made with students in the classrooms.
After years of being left out and excluded, after awkwardly having to take group pictures at dances with people who disliked me but never gave me an explanation, after participating in sports with people who started rumors and made me feel so judged that I wouldn’t even go in the hallway before class, I finally confronted them and asked why.
“Why was I left out for so many years?” I will never, ever, forget their answer.
They told me, “Because you are too nice”.
Out of all the reasons I imagined for them not including me, that reasons never crossed my mind.
So when I say, “I hated high school”, it has everything to do with the fact that I was made to feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
I do not, however, feel hatred towards the people who excluded me because they forced me to stand up for the person that I was then and still am today. Holding onto that pain was not healthy for my mental health and through journaling, reflection, and meditation, I have been able to relinquish all those feelings.
Telling me that, “I was too nice” to be friends with only made me stand my ground, only made me want to be even nicer in the future. Every day it is my mission to be kinder than I was yesterday because I do not know the battles that a friend, classmate, teacher, co-worker or stranger is facing. I hope that my small kindness can be a light to brighten their day.
Now, I just have an appreciation for the people in high school who left me out, who didn’t include me because it made me stronger and kinder than I ever could have been on my own. It made me go out of my way to include people and make others feel welcome. I have long moved past my feelings of sadness and hurt and come to accept, embrace and learn from my experiences because they forced me to stand up for myself
I imagined college to be different, that people would be nice and inclusive but, unfortunately, that isn’t always the case, in college or in the “Real world”. The beginning months of college are awkward in general, so that didn’t help. Nevertheless, I have a few fond memories from the first four months of college because it was high school all over again. I didn’t fit in or had any friends I could trust. On top of that, I felt too big to be apart of the track team because I did not (and still don’t) have the normal “distance runners body shape”. I felt myself slipping towards a dark, negative path that I knew I couldn’t easily come back from so I worked to mentally handle the negativity and work past the degrading and untrue thoughts about myself. At the beginning of college, the people around me forced me to stand up for myself.
Eventually, I found my footing and was blessed to find incredible friends. People who inspire me daily. People who are like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. People who dream big and chase their goals no matter how ambitious they are. People who overcome any and all challenges that come their way. People who started off as teammates, mentees, classmates or professors and are now some of my dearest friends. People who inspire and encourage me to be the best version of myself.
The quality of friends that I have found over the years at my high school through the teachers and staff, skiing, my relationship, my family, and through a variety of avenues in college, make up for the years of exclusion and the hurt that I felt. I appreciate my true, loyal friends so much more because of my past experiences.
It is true that I will never look back on the moment in high school fondly, but, I look back on my overall experience gratefully because I know it paved the groundwork for who I am now. I was shaped by the people who encouraged me to be the best version of myself and those who forced me to stand up for who I am.
I will continue to spread smiles, kind comments, and uplifting words as much as I possibly can in person and on social media. We have too much negativity and too many people who are insincere so I hope to combat that with genuine kindness. There will be people, like in high school, who tell me “You are too nice” or that “You come off as fake” but those are the people who do not know me well. Whether people believe that I am sincere or not, that doesn’t change the fact that I will always be coming from a place of complete sincerity and kindness because that is the best thing that I know how to do.
I would like to encourage you to be the best version of yourself today and going forward.
Be too kind.
Spread too many compliments.
Smile too much.
Listen to how someone else’s day is going.
Be too encouraging.
I would also like to remind you to never force anyone to have to stand up for who they are through your words or actions.
