To the person struggling with their body…
To the person struggling with their body…
Remember, your healing journey is not linear. You will have days when you feel confident and happy and days when all the worst thoughts about your body creep in.
As most of you know, I work alongside high school students. I have spent hundreds of hours on the sidelines, in the stage's wings, or tucked in the corner of a classroom, and I love almost every second of it.
One aspect that hurts every piece of my heart is when I hear students directly say harmful things about their bodies. Or I overhear coaches saying harmful things to athletes about their bodies. Some of these students are as young as ten years old. And this isn't exclusive to just girls.
Hearing negative conversations about body and food breaks my heart and is all too common. I know the long and harrowing journey ahead for the athletes already talking this way because I have walked that path myself.
As I was running at St. John's this weekend, I was struggling with negative feelings about myself and kept comparing myself to the version of myself that was a d1 runner. I thought writing a letter to my high school self might resonate with many young people. However, it's also a letter to the version of me on Sunday who was having a tough body image day. So whatever your age, whatever your struggle with your body or food, this one's for you…
Dear ___,
{Insert a long virtual hug that transcends time and distances because I know you need that.}
Let me start by saying wherever you are in life; I am so proud of you. Whether you have yet to get out of bed or have conquered the world is irrelevant; just existing is enough.
This letter might not be easy to hear, but please know that I mean every single word with all the kindness and love in my heart because I have been exactly where you are. I know the challenges you face and struggle every day to overcome, and I am here for you in whatever way I can.
There are so many things I wish I could tell you.
If time travel were invented, I would go back to high school me and tell her an eating disorder isn't worth it. Even if that wasn't consciously what she thought it was at that time. I would never wish this pain and challenge I have faced with my eating disorder upon anyone, and I would happily take it away from you if I could.
If I could have a magic wand and erase all the negative conversations around body shaming and body size on social media from your social media, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Nothing in this world, no number, time, person, or achievement, is worth changing your body or diet. It may feel good at the moment, but by sacrificing your health, you have signed over your life to a lifelong struggle with disordered eating. No matter what anyone says to you, whether it's your coach, a parent, a significant other, or a random person on the internet, you are perfectly imperfect as you are.
Refrain from listening to the coach telling you not to eat sweets. Life is meant to be lived in moderation; eat the damn ice cream.
Exercise is not punishment. It's a gift and a privilege to jump, run, and bike. Don't let anyone punish you by using exercise, including yourself.
There isn’t such a thing as a cheat meal. Food is food. The quicker you learn to find joy in cook and true fulfillment in eating, the more enjoyable life will be.
The choices you make are not only impacting this version of you. Trying to lose five pounds in an unhealthy way at age 16 when your body is still growing will have adverse health ramifications that you will face for the rest of your life.
If people around you are trying to convince you that being a specific size is indicative of success or happiness, they are not the right people to be in your life. If they cannot accept you for you, they don't deserve to have you in their lives.
Whatever your dreams are for the future, whether that's becoming a nurse, raising kids, singing on stage, or running for president, it is all dependent on you being alive. That's the thing I think is forgotten with eating disorders. People think “this is just a diet I will do for a few months” when research shows that eating disorders are the second most fatal mental health condition, second only to opioid use (Project Heal). It isn’t a diet you’re gambling with, it’s your life.
Being healthy will mean different things to you at different stages of your life, and exercise will look vastly different when you're a college athlete than when you're in graduate school or having kids. It will take work to change and reimagine that, and that's okay, but know health is a fluid definition that changes with your life.
I won't promise you happiness because, truthfully, there are some very challenging days ahead. But you are strong enough to face anything. Please reach out to the people around you and ask for help. There is no shame in admitting you need support and the people in your life are here to help you.
You are the future of the world. I have watched you grow and learn, fail and succeed, laugh and cry, and flourish from the sidelines of your life. I see how physically and mentally strong you are, and I will do everything I can to remind you of that. Even when you don't believe it yourself - You are enough, exactly as you are.
The world needs you.
All of you.
Not a shrunken version of yourself.
With love,
Rachel Elizabeth
Mental health resources:
You can call or text 988 to connect with a trained counselor
You can chat online, call, or text the National Eating Disorder Association by clicking here.
For more information on eating disorders, view any of the following websites:
Mental Health America - This has specific information for eating disorders in youth
The Emily Program - A treatment center specializing in eating disorders in Minnesota
